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 Post subject: JOKES
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 10:54 pm 
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anyone know any??? heres one to cheer us up on a cold night



"A tramp walks into a posh jewellers, pulls his pants down and starts
fingering his arse. The shop assistant shouts "hey get out you dirty barsteward".
The tramp says, "well make your mind up" and points to a sign in
the window "come inside and pick your ring in comfort"
:gheyfight:

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 10:57 pm 
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Two Arabs are sitting in the Gaza strip chatting over a pint of goats milk.
One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son. He's a martyr."
"Here's my second son. He's a martyr too!"
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab wistfully says, "They blow up so fast, don't they?"

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 11:53 pm 
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Location: In the country I love
Their prince williams stag should be interesting. A meen, who else shoves pictures of thur gran down strippers knickers :gheyfight:

On a serious note... a just got chased down main street by a polar bear. Hope this snow goes soon :bye:

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 12:33 am 
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I just came home and found all the windows smashed and everything was gone


what sort of sick idiot does that to your advent calender !!!

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 1:11 am 
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Location: Dún na nGall
Two blondes walk into a shop.

You'd think one of them might have seen it!

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 1:13 am 
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Location: Dún na nGall
Two budgies sitting on a perch.

One says to the other, "Can you smell fish?"

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 8:29 am 
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Keen gairdener looks out his windae ane morning & sees a trumpet growing among his flooers.

Whit did he dae?

He rooted it oot!

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 10:00 am 
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Location: Dún na nGall
Wee wummin goess into Gregg's in Glasgow and points to an offering in the glass counter in front of her and says to the assistant, "Is that a Paris bun or a meringue?"

"Naw, yer no wrang," says the assistant, "it's a Paris bun."

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 11:12 am 
who else remembers that in 1995 the Mossad invaded Ibrox?
well when the Israelis were questioned about it they said it was to do with the Gazza strip!
:scaredycat:


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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 12:05 pm 
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Nintendo have brought out a new game for christmas.
Its about a 10 year old boy who runs around the streets of Glasgow, smashing cars, stabbing people and robbing houses.

It's called " Wii Bastard".
:gheyfight:

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 12:07 pm 
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guy walks into a chinese restaraunt , askes the waiter for some tinned pigeon, the waiter replies No can doo

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 2:27 pm 
Image
:groucho:


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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 9:42 am 
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pax681 wrote:
Image
:groucho:


I'm stealing that :clap:


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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 3:07 pm 
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Location: In the early days of a better nation
Current Private Eye cover has Kate Middleton saying, "I'm like, yah, totally a commoner."

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 8:40 pm 
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Kate Middelton says to the queen

"have you got any tips for a long & successful marriage"

Yes dear the queen replied

"wear a seatbelt and dont piss me off" :madcow:

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 8:41 pm 
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Kate asks the Queens for advice as everytime she sucks Williams nob she gets acid indigestion
"Have you tried Andrews" suggests the Queen
:cuddy:

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 9:41 pm 
what's the difference between a haemotologist and a urologist?
well.. one pricks yer finger...............


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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 9:55 pm 
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whats the difference between a woman coming out of a church and a woman coming out of a bath?
the woman coming out of the church has hope in her soul

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 9:59 pm 
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santa claus getting ready to go oot on christmas eve - mrs claus gives him a cup of tea and a hot mince pie - he accidentally sits oan the mince pie and it burns his erchie - hes in gony nd cant sit down so he goes to casualty.when he is seen by the doctors he drops his tweeds and bends over showing the mince pie still stuck to his backside - "what do you think doc" - the doctor replies - its ok Ive got some cream for that

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 Post subject: Re: JOKES
PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2010 6:33 pm 
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Location: In the early days of a better nation
Churchill the Dog having sex,

"Oooh yeess.... oooh yeess"

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